twelve minutes.

Today's Tuesday transpired as traumatically as the last. You've got to love that alliteration.

Just when it feels like every thing is looking up, it all comes crashing down.

Maybe its because I only got forty minutes of sleep last night. Maybe its because I got an email from a teaching assistant saying that my grade is in jeopardy on account of two missing homeworks. Maybe its because its so cold.

The last twenty-four hours have brought me tumbling back down to reality.

I am not the girl who gets the guy. I am not the girl who goes on dates. I am not the girl who has healthy long-term relationships.

I am the girl who manages to sabotage every potential relationship she's ever had. I am the girl who always tries to look cute because on the inside I 'm just mess.

I am the girl who misses him by twelve minutes.

I missed my five o'clock coffee date by twelve minutes. I was at the banking fixing a problem I was having with my accounts, and I ran out as soon as I was finished. My friend told me that he had left a few minutes before. She didn't call to say he was waiting, she didn't call and say that he was leaving, she didn't try to stop him. She just waited five minutes and then called me to tell me he had left. I had been so excited. So fucking excited.

I didn't see Nik this morning at breakfast like Austin said I would. I'm not going to ask him to the formal. I don't need to add "REJECTION" to the list of things that have gone wrong today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.

I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten there in time.