Considerations

I need a relationship. Not I do not "want," I actually *need* a relationship. Why? Because I'm going on twenty and I would love to have sex, but unfortunately I do not want have sex with someone random that I do trust, care about, blah, blah, blah, et cetera.

I think that there needs to be some foundation of trust, and the assumption that sex is a mutual responsibility. Too many things can go wrong, too many things can happen, too many attachment issues that I really just don't want to deal with. In other words, I want to make sure that whoever the lucky fella is really actually cares about me.

Why the sudden consideration? Maybe it's because I'm a half way to forty-year old virgin. Maybe it's because it's getting harder to stop myself when I'm in bed with a guy. Maybe it's just because.

Don't get any crazy ideas, I have no plans on just going out and having sex with someone. I am making considerations though. What is it that I am looking for in a guy? In a "relationship?" Is it even feasible to date someone older, say by about ten years, if I'm a virgin? Clearly expectations will be different.

This past weekend I realized as I had an attractive male on top of me, that I really did physically want to have sex with him. Luckily he went down like a champ, otherwise I would have left the next morning feel pretty unsatisfied. I had no problem saying no to him, it was me I had to control.